Dear Roy

Thank you for your kind letter. Unfortunately, Mr Collins will be unable to support your project at this time, however, he wishes you the best of luck with the novel and hopes that you are able to finish it soon. He fully appreciates that the distractions and pressures of work must hinder your progress considerably, but thinks that putting you up in a Paris hotel for a year might be asking a little much. You are no doubt aware that Mr Collins gives a lot of money to various charities and is keen to help out where he can; I once saw him help an old lady across the road whilst running a half marathon in a gorilla suit. Here’s wishing you the best of luck.

Mr Collins c/o Johnson’s philanthropic agency

PS sorry we couldn’t send any wine or biscuits either.


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