In response to the excited voicemail message I recieved from you this morning, I would like to discourage the frivolous shopping spree you promised and advise you that you may not, after all, be able to afford that new car. We pick one of you idiots every year for our fools day ‘book deal with movie’ prank that I am sure you will have enjoyed it as much as we have. Sadly your book was a bit shit and is currently being used as emergency toilet paper in our local, which is the more exposure than it strictly deserves, but we thought we owed you that much.

Yours sincerely

Bubble M Squelch

PS thanks for the champagne, you really shouldn’t have.



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