I read your earlier work with interest. It seemed to have something of promise about it that is sadly lacking from your latest endeavours. You held a clear narrative style that engaged the reader in a way that left them wanting more. Unfortunately this piece gives more of less, taking from what you had and leaving little worth keeping. I found myself immersed in predictable nonsense hardly worthy of your time and effort; the damage was such that the few moments of brilliance only highlighted the sorry state of the whole, leaving the reader at best unsatisfied. I realise this is only the taster chapter and that it may seem unfair to judge so early, but at the moment it still feels wrong and I can only recommend some heavy editing.