The rules of weather news – SNOW

Day one – Blimey, its snowing…joyful images of children playing, idillic shots of fields and trees, framed in delicate flurries of white crystal…maybe some cutesy pics of pets getting up to mischief or someone skiing to the local shop. General mood – Ahhhh, SNOWDAY!!!

Day two – Crisis, panic, danger!!! Cars wheels spinning and skidding erratically or abandoned in unsuitable places, displaying smashed headlights and crumpled bumpers. General mood – don’t leave you house, be afraid – beware the killer snow!!!

Day three – Bloody inconvenient this white stuff – The whining starts, a collections of axe grinders are wheeled on, usually outside closed schools or train stations, to moan about how we should all get some back bone and get back to work in direct contradiction with the message from day two. Someone will offer unhelpfully confusing statistics on the cost to the economy. There will be finger wagging and a story of hope will tell of how some heroic idiot has walked 2000 miles to work despite the conditions and his lack of shoes only to find it was his day off. General mood – Bah humbug…lazy bloody…grrrrrrrrrr

Day four – The clean up…cars are dragged from ditches or recovered by business men in improvised snow shoes, as it all starts to thaw anyway and everything starts to get back to normal. Politicians discuss accusations about the lack of salt, stealing salt, the wrong kind of salt, too much salt and the unequal distribution of salt ad infinitum, much to the pleasure of Mr Saxo, who counts his profits and drives off in his golden jeep. General mood – Meh, bored now

These rules must be followed by all weather news reports about snow…a suggestion, why not record a two hour special, covering all the angles and show it every time its snows, apart from slight changes in cloths and hair, the differences would be undetectable.

Advertisements

About Roy Smith

Roy Smith lives in the Medway Towns, where he works with young people and spends a lot of time writing nonsense and enjoying himself. Most of his writing happens at night and other inconvenient moments, when he is regularly interrupted by his dog and the desire to play old video games.

One response to “The rules of weather news – SNOW”

  1. Mike says :

    Or you could watch Ghostbusters instead of the news/weather.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: